Tell her she can't have a vagina
She said her name was "party"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
