Your tits are I can't wait for
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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