I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
