I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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