I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
smell my finger.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
