is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
