YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
