Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
