he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Gay?
German.
Pity.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize