I think my vagina is haunted
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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