He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
