someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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