girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
