Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
