This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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