the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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