i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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