She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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