Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
