Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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