So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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