Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
