Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize