i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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