I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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