Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
