think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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