It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
