So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
