just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
