apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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