Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
