We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
