Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
