He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
