So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize