do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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