Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
