I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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