i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
