and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
