In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
