Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
