So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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