I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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