Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
