you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
