I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
