Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
too bad you live with your parents still
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
