don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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