Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
