clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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