The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize