Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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