I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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