So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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