Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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