I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
