i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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