We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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