How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
