Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
