could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
