the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
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