That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
