she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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