so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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