The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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