You just made me feel so damn special
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i dont even know how to be here
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
