saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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