The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
farters have to be the big spoon...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
