Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize