so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
