no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
