I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize