You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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