why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
that's an acceptable place to lick
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
