Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize