You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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