If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize