one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
