he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
