Taylor Swift is so right about you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
