I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
