Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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