There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
