We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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