there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
