I cockslap morals
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i believe in u and ur pee
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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