i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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