So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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