I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
