Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
