she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize