As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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