It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
