ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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