that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
