Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
